March 2005

Learning to Listening with an Open Mind & An Open Heart

How often do we hear, "You're not listening," or we ask someone to repeat very important information because we weren't paying attention. These complaints occur in our professional and personal lives. Is there a training course offered on listening? Was listening taught in high school or college and we just weren't listening?

Listening is learned skill. It is also a choice we make and key component of effective communication. For managers, this is a critical skill that helps retain employees. Employees feel valued, heard and understood when their manager is focused on their needs and concerns. Research indicates that one of the main reasons employees leave a job is dissatisfaction with the manager, not the job.

Good listening means making the decision to become more conscious about listening to employees. It requires listening with our ears and our heart.

The Formula:
Content (words) + feeling = meaning

Simple Pointers:

1. Mentally shift the spotlight from yourself and focus on the speaker.
2. Concentrate. Because we can listen four times faster than the average person speaks, the temptation to “zone out” needs to be resisted
3. Listen for: What’s being said - What’s not being said; i.e, we need to listen “between the lines” for the real message.
4. Don’t try to anticipate where the speaker is going! This usually prompts us to interrupt.
5. Resist listening with “your answer running” :This is especially common when the speaker is presenting an opposing view. Instead of hearing them out, we start preparing our counterattack. Not good!
6. Improve your “Attending Skills”: This is about sending nonverbal clues to the speaker that you are interested in what they to say. For example:
   establish eye contact, facial expression – open, pleasant, posture - relaxed, don’t multi-task (like reading mail, read papers,et..), etc..
7. Notice your “Responding Skills”: This is the skill of letting the other person know that not only are you interested, but that you also understand he/she is saying. For example, nodding, “I see”,"please continue", etc...
8. Summarize. Periodically summarize. For example:“Let me make sure I understand you. . . .”, "Did I get that right?”, “What you are saying is that you . . .”, Then wait for and listen to their response! The payoff to doing this is twofold:
   1. The speaker feels validated and is more likely to listen to you.
   2. You’re getting accurate information.

Remember, to feel understood is one of life’s greatest gifts. You give this gift when you openly listen to others. Good Luck!

Working Solutions is a non-profit  organization providing employee training and  leadership development services for  healthcare organizations,  non-profits and corporations.  This retention tip is  published monthly to provide tips, strategies and new  ideas for HR professionals, managers and executives to  help retain their  employees.